Posts Tagged ‘couples’

A Great Date, Followed by Sex….

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

I thought that might get your attention!

For me, the winter is a tough time of the year. Since I was a teenager, I have suffered with very bad seasonal affective disorder and this has always made the winter difficult. Over the years, I have been able to identify several things which help me get through it all- and more importantly, my wife has too.

When my younger daughter was born, my wife Donna suffered with a serious case of post-partum depression. As a result, we’ve both developed methods for maintaining our sanity and well-being. Here’s what Donna has to say about one of our most important coping mechanisms- Date Night:

About five years ago, when I suffered from post-partum depression, my husband, Andy, and I decided to try out couple’s counseling.  We found a great therapist who gave us some useful communication tools.  We also found our way back to our relationship, apart from what the counseling sessions offered.

Because we had treated the counseling as critical, we managed to marshal the support of my in-laws, who provided babysitting for our girls.  We would go out to dinner after each session.  We once again began to revel in each others’ company and soon realized that the time alone as a couple proved just as beneficial as the counseling.

We have now made a weekly date-night a regular fixture in our lives.  It’s not always easy to budget this but we see it as a priority.  When funds are tight, we call in favors with family or swap babysitting time with friends.  Come hell or high water, Andy and I make time to be alone together each week.

If you are in a relationship, especially one in which pain figures in largely, consider weighing the costs of not having a date night.  That time apart from your kids, your pain or your other obligations will make an extraordinary difference in your lives.  Then think about how much fun you’ll have together outside of the counselor’s chair.

Happy dating! 

-Donna

Keeping yourself sane is one of the best things you can do to relieve back pain. Pain effects virtually everything you do- maintaining a sense of normalcy will always help to keep the pain at bay. Time with someone you love is one of the most normal, wonderful things you can do.

Now, here’s the sex…

Check out my newest post on Martha Stewarts Whole Living Daily blog about back pain and comfortable sex.

Please share your experiences with ways to experience a comfortable sexual experience while recovering from back pain.

Thanks for stopping by!

-Andy

Spring is coming!!!

A simple, free holiday gift…

Sunday, December 5th, 2010

Well, we are deep in the throes of the holiday season, and one thing that can make this time of year more stressful is financial stress. So, in the spirit of giving, and saving some money, allow me to reccommend a simple, free gift that your loved one will appreciate and enjoy.

As you may know, the foundations of my Back Togetherprogram are based on the couples-based approach to finding relief from pain. For the holiday season, what could make your loved one feel more appreciated and loved than a nice, slow relaxing massage (perhaps even followed by some nice nookie….)

Even if you don’t know much about massage, you likely have some idea of the kinds of touch that will make your partner feel relaxed. For this to be an effective gift, and not a cheap out- plan on spending some time. An hour or so would be nice. You don’t need to, but you can pick up some body lotion or scented oil to make the experience a little more special. My favorite low-cost additions are some candles throughout the room, as well as some soft music (anything by Ella Fitzgerald will work- but that’s just me.)

Start with your partner’s feet- gently massage them out, and slowly work your way up their thighs, and then to their lower back. Gentle pressure is all that is needed to help your partner realx. Go over their whole spine, avoiding the center of their spine- and never pressing on the small bumps or spinous processes in the middle.

A gentle scalp massage, working down towards the temples will just melt the stress away.

Give this a try. I’ve never met ANYONE who didn’t appreciate this kind, romantic gesture.

Be well,

Andy

Covent Garden at Christmas Time

Guest Post: My wife, Donna on living with someone in pain.

Monday, October 18th, 2010

I didn’t really talk about it here, as it was really just too damn painful to talk about at the time, but last week, I finished dealing with a 2 week long stint of kidney stones. This was not the first time I’ve had them, but hopefully will be the last. For those of you who don’t know, kidney stones are about the most painful thing people can feel, and they are truly awful. Donna wanted to share a few insights about her experiences dealing with me while in pain:

Gripping the chair with two blanched knuckles, my husband stops, mid-sentence, to wince in pain.  It’s been nearly a week, and the kidney stones have not let up.  He’s still seeing patients, manages to return phone calls, keep up on his blog, and even stand-up and give a toast at his best friend’s wedding.  Others could be clueless about the stones; the medical student marvels at Andy’s ability to hold it together while in the patient room, for example.

But for all these little heroics, the pain starts to fray him, and all of us, around the edges.  Dealing with the kidney pain leaves him little energy for anything else and cuts his patience short.    Forget the chores and although he wants to find affirmative ways to live in his body, the experience challenges our intimacy.  Who could blame him, really?

Thankfully, the kidney stone passes after a week, but we discover that it’s left a cousin behind.  By the end of the second week, the second stone passes.  Within a day, I start to get back in touch with what an amazing, funny husband I have.  “Andy’s back!” I post on Face Book.  How wonderful.

Luckily, our ordeal was short-lived.  It left me feeling a heightened sympathy not only for those in the Back Together world who live with pain, but for their beleaguered partners and children.  I was too caught up in the experience to think of too many helpful tips this time around.  But I did notice myself involved in a strategies that helped a bit.  First, marveling at my husband’s heroics helped somewhat, (but I also allowed myself a cynical moment or two: “Great, he can keep it together for his patients, but what about the kids?”).  Second, although I remained empathetic, I tried my hardest to not personalize his pain.   Finally, I sought out the sympathetic ear of friends.  This was easy, because everyone knows how trulyawful kidney stones are.  As well, when I complained, I didn’t do it too loudly or too often, so I don’t think that people felt like I sounded like a broken record.

During this little ordeal, I don’t think that I evolved great insights about living with a partner who is in pain.  I simply renewed my sympathies.  I wonder what others out there do or need and I invite those of you whose partners live in pain to share their thought and strategies.

In appreciation,

Donna


Newest post for Martha Stewart’s Whole Living Daily blog: Some back pain tips for couples.

Monday, June 21st, 2010

Here is my most recent post on Martha’s site. Again, if you have not had a chance to check out this blog, you should. It is hosted by Terri Trespicio of Whole Living on Martha Stewart radio. She is a wonderful host on the air, and a terrific moderator on the blog.

Look for some interesting stuff this week. Thanks for visiting.

-Andy

Welcome to new visitors: A little about me, Back Together, and the BackWords Blog…

Thursday, May 27th, 2010

Welcome!

I would like to welcome all of the new visitors here at the Back Together Blog- BackWords.

Since the inception of my blog over a year ago, I have been able to watch the slow growth of the site. More and more visitors are coming to the site looking for practical solutions to their back and neck pain.

With the recent surge I’ve observed, I thought this would be a great time to re-introduce myself and the blog, and hopefully encourage you to keep coming back and furthermore, invite your friends and family members to visit as well. You or someone you  know has back pain right now- so pretty much anyone can get something useful from Back Together and BackWords.

A little about me….

Over the past 15 years as a physician, I have had the wonderful opportunity to participate in an ongoing discourse with thousands of patients about ways to lead a better quality of life. During that time, I’ve worked with the young and the elderly. I’ve worked with professional athletes at the peak of conditioning, and the physically challenged. Every single one of these folks, to the last, had something unique to teach me.

I specialize in back and neck pain, but in my quest to help people find relief, I have found that addressing many lifestyle issues has a profound effect not just on pain, but on an overall sense of well being. As I began to dig a little deeper beneath the surface of people’s experiences, I realized that people can do an incredible number of small things, many of which had huge effects.

A little about Back Together…

In my own practice, it became very clear that the effects of back and neck pain don’t stop with the pain sufferer. Their partner’s, kids, family members- pretty much everyone they came in contact with- all were adversely affected by their pain. I developed the Back Together program to provide couples with simple, safe, and effective techniques to  help prevent and relieve back and neck pain. Bringing a partner or loved one into the equation seemed to be one key way to help people to make the lifestyle changes they needed to, in order to rid their lives of back pain. After all- who has more at stake in your well being than your loved ones?

To date, the Back Together program has helped literally thousands of people find relief. Through live programs, my first book Back Together- Hands-On Healing for Couples, and my DVD program, Back Together- I am proud to have been able to have helped so many people so far. But I am only getting started!

A little about BackWords

I wanted to provide a truly accessible resource for people suffering with back and neck pain. A place where I could provide you insights I have made through clinical observations and practice, update you on new research and studies, and provide you with a place to ask questions and share your thoughts & experiences with others who may have similar conditions.

I have been really pleased with the response so far, but I am always trying to grow and reach more and more people- so as I said before. Someone in your life is hurting right now- send them on in.

Thanks for visiting, and please see all of the ways listed below to get Back Together!!!

-Andy

Click here to visit Back Together on Facebook.

For my Twitter feed, please sign on for BackTips.

Visit my main website for more information about back together.

Submit your questions or comments through this site, or by email to info@backtogether.org.


Back Pain & You: When do you become your illness? When do you become you again?

Tuesday, April 27th, 2010

Yesterday, Terri Trespecio did a really nice post on my appearance on her show. In it she made this statement:

“Don’t overidentify with your back pain. There are far more interesting things you and I should be known for.”

I was so happy to read this!

So many people suffering with back & neck pain start to accept their pain as being such a fundamental, unavoidable component of their lives, that it actually starts to become part of their identity- shaping all they do, and influencing their attitudes about just about everything. Now that’s not to say that pain doesn’t or shouldn’t effect your life when you are suffering- that would be unreasonable. What I am concerned about is something more insidious.

I often make a differentiation between a person who is sick, and a sick person. Let me explain…

Assume there are two people with the same physical medical conditions:

The first, a person who is sick, wakes up and says “I am very sick, and it will be really difficult to all of the things I need to do today.”

The second, a sick person, wakes up and says “I am very sick, and I won’t be able to do all of the things I need to do today.”

It is a subtle distinction, but an important one.

When you are in pain- especially if the pain lingers for a while- it can so easy for it to become part of your who you are. You can see why- it’s always there- reminding you of its’ presence.

It is really important to avoid this quagmire, as it changes who you are, and gives the pain more power over you than it should. There are a few things you can do to help:

-Take a few minutes out of the day to reflect on those times when the pain was not so bad.

-Find gratitude for all of the things in your life which may be going well, so you don’t start to believe that nothing is right.

-Even if they are uncomfortable, try to participate in some of the activities you normally would.

-Remind your partner that you are still you, even when you are in pain. Don’t allow them to treat you as though you are fragile. That approach will only worsen matters, and make it harder to get out of this mindset, as you now have a reinforcer.

-Make sure you don’t give up on hobbies and diversions, even if it means modifying your participation in the activity (You may not be able to go horseback riding when you are in pain, but perhaps you could instruct kids on how to ride.)

These are just a few suggestions. It is critical to your overall well being that you not allow yourself to become your back pain.

Thanks for stopping by.

-Andy

My good friend Jorden Gold doing facilitated stretching on former Eagle, Chad Lewis

My good friend Jorden Gold doing facilitated stretching on former Eagle, Chad Lewis

Fitness Challenge update, viewer letters….

Friday, March 12th, 2010

Fitness Challenge Update:

It looks like there are quite a few of us who are living up to our New Years resolutions!

When I was on my trip last week, I didn’t follow my diet as well as I could have, but there was tons & tons of additional walking involved, and the net effect was that I lost another 2 pounds- this brings my total loss to 9 pounds since starting. Not bad!!!

Now, this week I have all kinds of stress, my timing is all messed up, and I am jetlagged- so I am pretty sure my exercise will be a little off this week. Need to find some way to either compensate with added activity near the end of the week, or limiting my calories this week. I think I will go with plan A.

I have been getting regular updates from folks, and you should all be proud!!! Those of you watching from the sidelines who have a few pounds to shed- it’s not too late to join us.

Viewer Letters:

Last week I got a bunch of letters from folks. A couple of them caught my eye:

“Andy- My husband and I have been working on our weight together since you started your challenge. We’ve both been losing weight, and feeling the difference. It makes such a difference to be doing it along with you and your other readers- that we aren’t doing it alone…Sandra”

Sandra- thanks for the letter. You touched upon exactly the reason I embarked upon this quest in public in the first place- it is always easier when you aren’t going it alone. That is also the reason I have been pushing my partner-based approach to back and neck pain: having someone there to motivate you can make such a difference.

“We got your book as part of an engagement present, and we’ve been using it for about 3 months. All I can say is THANK YOU! This is the first book I have read which makes me feel like I am in control of my body. Mark and I do the techniques together a few times a week, and we really feel the results. The (psychological strategies) really help too. We just ordered your DVD program…Jen”

I am so glad to be able to help you both. I wasn’t clear from your letter if it is you, Mark, or both of you feeling pain- but I hope you continue to get the benefits. You will LOVE the DVD program.

Thanks for visiting,

-Andy

A Baptism at the Holy site at Yardenite, on the Jordan River.

A Baptism at the Holy site at Yardenite, on the Jordan River.

Partner or Spouse as a Resource for relief from Back Pain

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

I recently  had an encounter in my office which reminded me why I started to develop my couples-based approach to back pain in the first place…

About three months ago, I was working with a new patient who had been suffering with low back pain & sciatica. She had started to have issues with her blood pressure, and her internist wanted her to stop using anti-inflammatory medications- which were really the only drugs which had been providing her relief. He was concerned about the effect they were having on her kidney function, and consequently, her blood pressure.

I really gave some thought to her situation- she was in pain, she couldn’t take the only meds which were really helping her, and she had blood pressure problems.

From the back pain standpoint, her issues seemed pretty straight forward- she had some problems with the movement of her sacrum, which were surprisingly easy to treat. In about four visits, I had restored normal function to her sacrum and reduced her sciatica & back pain symptoms. I then invited  her husband to join us for her next visit, and taught him some simple sacral mobilization techniques which I asked him to do daily. He had some trepidation about trying to do these techniques, but he left my office pretty much convinced.

There is an interesting phenomena which occurs whenever you manipulate the sacrum- you can stimulate the parasympathetic  portion of your autonomic nervous system, and the result can be lower blood pressure.

Well, after a few weeks of working with her husband, her pain had improved significantly, and when she went to her internist he found that her blood pressure had improved, and he wouldn’t need to add any additional medications. As a bonus, her husband, who had felt helpless to provide his suffering wife with any relief, now felt empowered by his ability to help- and they felt closer than they had in several years.

Donna & I drank the bottle of wine they gave me as a thank you gift last night.

I love when I am able to help my patients with their pain, but there is something so gratifying about being able to pass on this ability to a patients loved one. Ongoing pain can have such an adverse effect on a couple, and sometimes giving a partner or spouse the ability to provide relief can help their pain as well as their relationship. And in this instance, there were even greater reaching benefits.

Sometimes, I really love my work.

Thanks for visiting, and be well!

-Andy

I-Technique 7 Prone Thoracic Release 2

New study on integrated movement, follow up on the comfortable sex piece from yesterday, and a brief note about Back Together…

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Study on Integrated Movement from University of Gothenburg, Sweden:

A new study from the university discussed the concept of integrated movement- a process where patients are encouraged to have more body awareness in an effort to reduce their pain. I touched upon this concept in my book, Back Together, in the chapter discussing the learned neurologic response.

It is widely known that injured patients will subconsciously limit their range of motion on certain movements following an injury in an effort to find less painful ways to accomplish various tasks and activities. Unfortunately, these self imposed modifications become learned, and the altered body mechanics remain even after the injury has resolved. This can lead to further problems down the road because of irregular wear & tear on joints, as well as a higher likelihood of being re-injured.

This study focused on the use of Sensory Motor Learning, which is an extension of the concepts of the Feldenkrais Method (A widely utilized modality which encourages body awareness, and focuses on postural stability.) Basically, they found that patients who focused on these body skills had better control over their back pain and improved their mechanics.

Again, I love it when a study reinforces what I see clinically. When I have patients recovering from back or neck injury, I often have them address the learned neurological response as part of their recovery. Basically, if a patient has pain performing a specific movement, I will ask them to look at their daily activities and try to identify and analogous, or mechanically similar movement which does not cause them pain. I will encourage them to take time from their day to do repetitions of the non-pain inducing movements followed by a few repetitions of the pain inducing movement- paying attention to the mechanical similarities and differences between them. Over the course of days or sometimes weeks, they will gradually shift the balance towards the movement which was originally causing them pain- but with progressively less discomfort, undoing the altered, damaged body mechanics established following their injury.

Follow up on the sex furniture piece from yesterday…

Thank you so much for all of the great feedback on yesterday’s piece on products to help  find comfortable positions for sexual activity. As happened with the previous post on this topic, I received several emails where people shared their successes and failures in this regard. Some folks were very grateful for the information, and were also glad to find that they were not alone with this difficulty. As I suspected, this is a really neglected issue for back pain sufferers.

A quick note about Back Together:

I created Back Together in an effort to provide a useful resource for people and their partners or spouses whose lives have been adversely affected by back pain. I hope to help as many people as I can to rid their lives of back pain. You may have noticed that I go to great lengths to use egalitarian language wherever possible, and I do this to underscore that back together is here for EVERYONE. In the past month I have received about ten emails from individuals asking me to refrain from using the word ‘partner’ in addition to spouse. Again, Back Together is for EVERYONE- And I want to be very clear that I do not and will not discriminate against anyone based on race, religion, sexual orientation, age- or anything else for that matter.

My wish is to slowly develop a community of people who are finding ways to lead pain-free lives- and that everyone is included and welcome, so you really don’t need to send me any more of these emails. Thanks.

Coming up:

-A new ‘One Thing’ segment with Pilates instructor, Amanda Mitchell.

-Some thoughts on preventing back injuries relating to falls.

-Reviews of two new studies regarding back pain and medications.

-As always, new Tips o’ the Day.

- And a whole lot more.

Thanks for visiting. Be well!

-Andy

Cynwyd Elementary participating in Treats for Troops- sending care packages to U.S. troops stationed in Afghanistan.

Cynwyd Elementary participating in Treats for Troops- sending care packages to U.S. troops stationed in Afghanistan.

Comfortable Sex: Some products for satisfying sex while recovering from back pain.

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

When back pain occurs, it truly does affect virtually every aspect of your life. It can potentially change everything. For those of you who are familiar with my work, and my emphasis on your partner or spouse as a resource for healing, you know that I feel it is particularly important for back pain sufferers to be able to get back in touch with as much of their life before back pain as possible. One of the worst things that can happen when back or neck pain becomes a (temporary) part of your life is to abandon sexual intimacy, and all of the positive benefits that come with it.

Sex can have numerous benefits for pain sufferers;

-An endorphin release, which acts as a natural pain reliever.

-The slow mobilization of the segments of the lower back, sacrum and pelvis.

-The pleasure of intimate touch, and relief from the feelings of alienation which can sometimes accompany pain.

-The restoration of normalcy in a life which may have been drastically compromised by back & neck pain.

I did a post on this a little while back, and received many emails and messages about how couples found more comfortable ways to have sex- and it was really interesting (and sometimes entertaining really) to hear how people were able to reintroduce sexual activity into their lives. You can tell by the lengths some folks went to,  to see how much of a priority this was for them. More than a few of my viewers have swings installed their bedrooms- an elegant- if complicated solution.

I was contacted by a website, sensuouswife.com about some of the products they sell to help couples achieve comfortable sex. Their site is very interesting, and it is couples-friendly (ie: there are no threatening images of impossibly thin or chiseled models to make either of you feel inadequate.) Their product line is clearly aimed at heterosexual couples, but the products I described below could offer benefits to pretty much anyone. I have attached a few images from their site (with their permission of course) and some descriptions. The company provided some descriptions as well which are included under the images:

Wedge-ramp combination.

Wedge-ramp combination.

The Ramp/Wedge combo (or the individual Wedge and Ramp, for those who don’t want to buy both at once) is probably the best starting place for couples working to make sex less painful.  They give excellent support in a number of configurations, and they are designed to change the height or angle to make penetration easier and more comfortable.  Sex is much less strenuous for both partners – the person lying on the shapes has much better support, and the person on top usually finds that they can get things lined up without supporting himself or herself in odd positions or angles.  The angling also bring the couple closer together, so that they can look into each others’ eyes and talk to each other without straining.

The Esse

The Esse

The Esse.

The Esse.

The Esse is also designed to give support in a variety of positions, allowing both spouses to relax and enjoy each other.  Most users find that the support allows the spine to curve naturally and comfortably.  The Esse also has the advantage of being narrow enough to straddle, which many couples find is easier on the hips and knees, since the legs can be used efficiently and naturally.

The Whirl.

The Whirl.

The Whirl is less well-known, but many people find it very helpful, especially if they are dealing with hip or knee pain, since it can support the movement of thrusting by rolling back and forth.

Each of these products are covered in a velvet-like microfiber fabric, which is very soft and comfortable, but also “grips” other fabrics.  So unlike most pillows, the Liberator Shapes won’t slide around on the bed during use.  This also means that if a couple wants to customize the support by adding another pillow or two (for example, some people find the Ramp more comfortable if they have a pillow behind their head) the pillow will stay put on the shape and not slip around.

In looking over the products, they seem to offer some simple solutions to some ergonomic issues sexually active partners can encounter when trying to find comfortable ways to have sex. The two most useful from a low back pain standpoint would be the Whirl, and the Esse- which has the added benefit of offering neck support for neck pain sufferers. I really like these products- give them a look.

For those looking for more information on sex and back pain, I have posted on this before, but there is also an excellent book available entitled The Joy of Comfortable Sex by Pierre Angier, D.O. (available on Amazon)

I am so happy that there are people and companies out there which are addressing this problem. Sex is way to important to give up. Bringing sexual intimacy back to a relationship which may have even be ravaged by back and neck pain can really help to get things back on track, and help further your quest to get back pain out of your life.

Thanks for visiting, and be well,

-Andy