Posts Tagged ‘sex’

A Great Date, Followed by Sex….

Tuesday, February 15th, 2011

I thought that might get your attention!

For me, the winter is a tough time of the year. Since I was a teenager, I have suffered with very bad seasonal affective disorder and this has always made the winter difficult. Over the years, I have been able to identify several things which help me get through it all- and more importantly, my wife has too.

When my younger daughter was born, my wife Donna suffered with a serious case of post-partum depression. As a result, we’ve both developed methods for maintaining our sanity and well-being. Here’s what Donna has to say about one of our most important coping mechanisms- Date Night:

About five years ago, when I suffered from post-partum depression, my husband, Andy, and I decided to try out couple’s counseling.  We found a great therapist who gave us some useful communication tools.  We also found our way back to our relationship, apart from what the counseling sessions offered.

Because we had treated the counseling as critical, we managed to marshal the support of my in-laws, who provided babysitting for our girls.  We would go out to dinner after each session.  We once again began to revel in each others’ company and soon realized that the time alone as a couple proved just as beneficial as the counseling.

We have now made a weekly date-night a regular fixture in our lives.  It’s not always easy to budget this but we see it as a priority.  When funds are tight, we call in favors with family or swap babysitting time with friends.  Come hell or high water, Andy and I make time to be alone together each week.

If you are in a relationship, especially one in which pain figures in largely, consider weighing the costs of not having a date night.  That time apart from your kids, your pain or your other obligations will make an extraordinary difference in your lives.  Then think about how much fun you’ll have together outside of the counselor’s chair.

Happy dating! 

-Donna

Keeping yourself sane is one of the best things you can do to relieve back pain. Pain effects virtually everything you do- maintaining a sense of normalcy will always help to keep the pain at bay. Time with someone you love is one of the most normal, wonderful things you can do.

Now, here’s the sex…

Check out my newest post on Martha Stewarts Whole Living Daily blog about back pain and comfortable sex.

Please share your experiences with ways to experience a comfortable sexual experience while recovering from back pain.

Thanks for stopping by!

-Andy

Spring is coming!!!

Valentine’s Day; time to get Back Together- romantic tips for back pain, Happy Chinese New Year.

Friday, February 12th, 2010

At the heart of my Back Together program is the couples based approach to finding relief. A spouse or partner has more to gain from you feeling better than just about anyone else, so what better resource could one ask for?

We kind of think of Valentine’s Day as a ‘Hallmark Holiday’- an excuse to buy flowers and go out for an expensive dinner (I would love to know what the gross dollar amount spent on cards is!!!) I would like to propose a new addition to your Valentine’s day festivities…

Take a moment to talk with your partner. Ask them about how they are feeling- are you doing all you can for each other to find ways to feel good? I don’t mean sexually (although that’s important)- I mean with regards to your pain. Are you helping with the tasks that you or your partner cannot do? For many in pain, communication and validation from a loved one can help to relieve discomfort as much as anything else. While you are talking, touch each other- again, not sexually- therapeutically. Gently run you hands up and down each others backs- find tense or tender areas and gently rub and caress those areas. Take a moment to be aware of how each of you feels, and do some simple things to relieve any pain or stress. These tips are not just for those who complain of back pain- they are great for anyone with daily stress, folks who work too much, have too much housework- pretty much all of us!

Here are a few other suggestions:

-If you are having a romantic night out, before taking the suggestions I posted above, take a few deep therapeutic breaths while holding each other.

-If you choose to do an impromptu romantic massage, invest in a small bottle of massage oil- perhaps one with a soothing natural scent- lavender is always nice. It will help even a novice masseuse get better than expected results.

-If sex is on the menu for your evening, prolonged foreplay can help to enhance the release of endorphins associated with lovemaking, providing natural pain relief.

-If you have consumed a lot of wine, be sure to drink plenty of water between the time you finish dinner and the time you go to bed. It will help to prevent the alcohol from having a deleterious effect on your back & neck discomfort.

-Most of all, take a few moments to show and feel true gratitude for your lover. As I said above, your loved one is often the best resource for pain relief- feel and express some thanks.

I wish all of you a wonderful Valentine’s Day weekend.  And, if I may take the liberty of wishing my wife, Donna a wonderful Valentine’s day. I love you- thank you for all you do….

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The Year of the Tiger:

I would also like to take a moment to wish any of my Chinese viewers who are celebrating the new year this weekend a happy holiday. This year is the year of the Tiger- and for a whole host of reasons, I am expecting it to be a good one. My family will be spending the holiday in Philadelphia’s Chinatown. The Chinese Cultural Center of Philadelphia always pulls out all of the stops. If you go, bring your earplugs!!

.                  Gong Ci Fa Cai, Xin Nian Kuai Le

The Year of the Tiger

The Year of the Tiger

Have a wonderful weekend and be well,

-Andy

New study on integrated movement, follow up on the comfortable sex piece from yesterday, and a brief note about Back Together…

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010

Study on Integrated Movement from University of Gothenburg, Sweden:

A new study from the university discussed the concept of integrated movement- a process where patients are encouraged to have more body awareness in an effort to reduce their pain. I touched upon this concept in my book, Back Together, in the chapter discussing the learned neurologic response.

It is widely known that injured patients will subconsciously limit their range of motion on certain movements following an injury in an effort to find less painful ways to accomplish various tasks and activities. Unfortunately, these self imposed modifications become learned, and the altered body mechanics remain even after the injury has resolved. This can lead to further problems down the road because of irregular wear & tear on joints, as well as a higher likelihood of being re-injured.

This study focused on the use of Sensory Motor Learning, which is an extension of the concepts of the Feldenkrais Method (A widely utilized modality which encourages body awareness, and focuses on postural stability.) Basically, they found that patients who focused on these body skills had better control over their back pain and improved their mechanics.

Again, I love it when a study reinforces what I see clinically. When I have patients recovering from back or neck injury, I often have them address the learned neurological response as part of their recovery. Basically, if a patient has pain performing a specific movement, I will ask them to look at their daily activities and try to identify and analogous, or mechanically similar movement which does not cause them pain. I will encourage them to take time from their day to do repetitions of the non-pain inducing movements followed by a few repetitions of the pain inducing movement- paying attention to the mechanical similarities and differences between them. Over the course of days or sometimes weeks, they will gradually shift the balance towards the movement which was originally causing them pain- but with progressively less discomfort, undoing the altered, damaged body mechanics established following their injury.

Follow up on the sex furniture piece from yesterday…

Thank you so much for all of the great feedback on yesterday’s piece on products to help  find comfortable positions for sexual activity. As happened with the previous post on this topic, I received several emails where people shared their successes and failures in this regard. Some folks were very grateful for the information, and were also glad to find that they were not alone with this difficulty. As I suspected, this is a really neglected issue for back pain sufferers.

A quick note about Back Together:

I created Back Together in an effort to provide a useful resource for people and their partners or spouses whose lives have been adversely affected by back pain. I hope to help as many people as I can to rid their lives of back pain. You may have noticed that I go to great lengths to use egalitarian language wherever possible, and I do this to underscore that back together is here for EVERYONE. In the past month I have received about ten emails from individuals asking me to refrain from using the word ‘partner’ in addition to spouse. Again, Back Together is for EVERYONE- And I want to be very clear that I do not and will not discriminate against anyone based on race, religion, sexual orientation, age- or anything else for that matter.

My wish is to slowly develop a community of people who are finding ways to lead pain-free lives- and that everyone is included and welcome, so you really don’t need to send me any more of these emails. Thanks.

Coming up:

-A new ‘One Thing’ segment with Pilates instructor, Amanda Mitchell.

-Some thoughts on preventing back injuries relating to falls.

-Reviews of two new studies regarding back pain and medications.

-As always, new Tips o’ the Day.

- And a whole lot more.

Thanks for visiting. Be well!

-Andy

Cynwyd Elementary participating in Treats for Troops- sending care packages to U.S. troops stationed in Afghanistan.

Cynwyd Elementary participating in Treats for Troops- sending care packages to U.S. troops stationed in Afghanistan.

Comfortable Sex: Some products for satisfying sex while recovering from back pain.

Tuesday, January 26th, 2010

When back pain occurs, it truly does affect virtually every aspect of your life. It can potentially change everything. For those of you who are familiar with my work, and my emphasis on your partner or spouse as a resource for healing, you know that I feel it is particularly important for back pain sufferers to be able to get back in touch with as much of their life before back pain as possible. One of the worst things that can happen when back or neck pain becomes a (temporary) part of your life is to abandon sexual intimacy, and all of the positive benefits that come with it.

Sex can have numerous benefits for pain sufferers;

-An endorphin release, which acts as a natural pain reliever.

-The slow mobilization of the segments of the lower back, sacrum and pelvis.

-The pleasure of intimate touch, and relief from the feelings of alienation which can sometimes accompany pain.

-The restoration of normalcy in a life which may have been drastically compromised by back & neck pain.

I did a post on this a little while back, and received many emails and messages about how couples found more comfortable ways to have sex- and it was really interesting (and sometimes entertaining really) to hear how people were able to reintroduce sexual activity into their lives. You can tell by the lengths some folks went to,  to see how much of a priority this was for them. More than a few of my viewers have swings installed their bedrooms- an elegant- if complicated solution.

I was contacted by a website, sensuouswife.com about some of the products they sell to help couples achieve comfortable sex. Their site is very interesting, and it is couples-friendly (ie: there are no threatening images of impossibly thin or chiseled models to make either of you feel inadequate.) Their product line is clearly aimed at heterosexual couples, but the products I described below could offer benefits to pretty much anyone. I have attached a few images from their site (with their permission of course) and some descriptions. The company provided some descriptions as well which are included under the images:

Wedge-ramp combination.

Wedge-ramp combination.

The Ramp/Wedge combo (or the individual Wedge and Ramp, for those who don’t want to buy both at once) is probably the best starting place for couples working to make sex less painful.  They give excellent support in a number of configurations, and they are designed to change the height or angle to make penetration easier and more comfortable.  Sex is much less strenuous for both partners – the person lying on the shapes has much better support, and the person on top usually finds that they can get things lined up without supporting himself or herself in odd positions or angles.  The angling also bring the couple closer together, so that they can look into each others’ eyes and talk to each other without straining.

The Esse

The Esse

The Esse.

The Esse.

The Esse is also designed to give support in a variety of positions, allowing both spouses to relax and enjoy each other.  Most users find that the support allows the spine to curve naturally and comfortably.  The Esse also has the advantage of being narrow enough to straddle, which many couples find is easier on the hips and knees, since the legs can be used efficiently and naturally.

The Whirl.

The Whirl.

The Whirl is less well-known, but many people find it very helpful, especially if they are dealing with hip or knee pain, since it can support the movement of thrusting by rolling back and forth.

Each of these products are covered in a velvet-like microfiber fabric, which is very soft and comfortable, but also “grips” other fabrics.  So unlike most pillows, the Liberator Shapes won’t slide around on the bed during use.  This also means that if a couple wants to customize the support by adding another pillow or two (for example, some people find the Ramp more comfortable if they have a pillow behind their head) the pillow will stay put on the shape and not slip around.

In looking over the products, they seem to offer some simple solutions to some ergonomic issues sexually active partners can encounter when trying to find comfortable ways to have sex. The two most useful from a low back pain standpoint would be the Whirl, and the Esse- which has the added benefit of offering neck support for neck pain sufferers. I really like these products- give them a look.

For those looking for more information on sex and back pain, I have posted on this before, but there is also an excellent book available entitled The Joy of Comfortable Sex by Pierre Angier, D.O. (available on Amazon)

I am so happy that there are people and companies out there which are addressing this problem. Sex is way to important to give up. Bringing sexual intimacy back to a relationship which may have even be ravaged by back and neck pain can really help to get things back on track, and help further your quest to get back pain out of your life.

Thanks for visiting, and be well,

-Andy

Fitness Challenge Update, Coming This Week: Sex toys for folks with back pain

Monday, January 25th, 2010

The Fitness Challenge

As I related last week, the fitness challenge got off to a nice start- both for my viewers, and for myself. I am into week two. Several folks have asked what I am doing, so here is a brief synapsis of what I project the first 4-5 weeks to look like:

-Cardio 4-5 times weekly. It’s wintertime, so I am basically confined to my Nordic Track until the weather gets a little better. I am trying to do between 45 and 75 minutes.

-I am calorie counting, and trying to keep my caloric intake at around 2200 calories/day. I have tried to shift the bulk of those calories away from simple carbs, but I am trying not to be unrealistic about what I can & cannot do.

-I am lifting weights 3 times/week at the moment, alternating between push (triceps,chest,quads, etc…) and pull (biceps, back, lats, glutes, etc…) muscle groups, leaving about 24 hours to recover. I will ramp this up, but I have not been lifting regularly for several years, and I don’t want to push myself backwards by not leaving adequate recovery time.

-I have been trying to walk whenever I can avoid driving. We all get used to driving everywhere- I actually think this is one of the best lifestyle modifications one can make.

-I am trying to pay more attention to my sleep, so I have better energy levels available to do the workouts and activities I have planned.

So that’s where I am with things. I have been getting a lot of folks back stories over the past week. Here is a sample:

My name is Michael, I am 39 years old and have been suffering with back pain since 2000. I injured my back at work when I fell off a shelf eight feet in the air and landed on my back hitting a metal floor. My injury consists of 2 discs (L3L4 and L5S1) and a partially crushed vertebrae at L4.

Since my injury, I have been unable to really do any strenuous physical activity. Daily activities cause varying levels of pain. Sometimes I can’t even put on my own shoes. As a result of my injury and inability to sustain physical activity, I have put on about 70 pounds, and now weigh a massive 305 pounds. This weight gain has increased my pain symptoms and further reduced my ability to function in day to day life activities.

I am going to be 40 in August, and I can no longer ignore my weight issues. Since the beginning of the year, I have started talking to a nutritionist and have begun to painfully do small things- like just walk my dog around the block. I have increased my water intake and I am trying to cut down on junk food. In just a couple of weeks I have begun (a little bit) to feel like I have more energy. I hope this energy will allow me o gain some momentum in changing my life.

I would like to be part of your fitness challenge and gain from your professional knowledge in combining fitness with back pain management.

Sincerely,

Michael M.

This is an example of exactly the kind of people I am hoping will benefit from this challenge. Work with me over the next few months, and send us your ‘after’ stories. My editorial staff will pick one from the lot who will win a Back Together package, including books and DVDs as well as other prizes from some outside sources. Mike- thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope you continue to improve, and look forward to hearing about your progress.

Sex toys and back pain:

A couple of months ago, I posted about finding a comfortable position for intercourse when dealing with back pain, and there was a lot of feedback from viewers about their experiences- successes and failures.

Shortly thereafter, I was contacted by ‘couples-friendly’ website designed to sell sex toys, products, and aids in a comfortable non-threatening environment. Tomorrow, I will be posting a review of some of these products (simply from an anatomic/ergonomic point of view) as well as some information about this interesting and fun website.

Best, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Be well,

Andy

Holiday in the Tropics...

Holiday in the Tropics…

Update from London, Sex, Muscle Spasm & Umbrellas…

Friday, November 20th, 2009

LiveinLondon

Again, I am not doing a travel blog (heaven knows I don’t travel enough to support that sort of endeavor)- but there is an addition at the end of this video posting about a remarkable shop I visited here in London- James Smith & Sons- an umbrella shop which stocks literally thousand of umbrellas, and will cut one to a custom length to accommodate your height. A really fantastic service based experience- the men working there have obviously been doing this for years and take great pride in the work they do. Check the store out if you ever have an opportunity. You can see their website: http://www.james-smith.co.uk/

Sales floor at James Smith & Sons.

Sales floor at James Smith & Sons.

Sex & Back Pain

Wednesday, November 11th, 2009

Back pain can have an adverse effect on just about every aspect of your life. Unfortunately one of the first things which gets pushed by the wayside when back pain sets in is sexual intercourse. Here are some thoughts on dealing with back pain while trying to still enjoy the pleasures of intimacy.

I am still working on the aspect ratio problem, and it should be fixed by the next post.

The book mentioned- “The Joy of Comfortable Sex” by Dr. Pierre Angier is available from Amazon.com. Here’s a direct link to the purchase page:

http://www.amazon.com/Joy-Comfortable-Sex-Guide-Couples/dp/0979470900/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1257996374&sr=8-1SexualIntimacy

Best,

Andy